Thigh-Deep in Floods and My Worst Nightmare (Part 2)

You'd have thought the bizarreness would have ended the moment we got out of the floods.

Part 2: My Worst Nightmare

I'll cut straight to the chase- my worst nightmare has always been, since the age of four (which was when I began learning to play the piano), going into a concert completely unprepared. The very thought of going out onto some sort of stage in front of an audience to play music whilst not knowing what on Earth I'm supposed to be doing breaks me out into a cold sweat. Because I am so, so organised as a person, I made sure this never, ever happened.

You can see where I'm going with this, can't you?

It all started a week earlier when Ruthie texted me asking if I was free to visit the following weekend (the weekend just gone by, now). Then as we were negotiating the timing of when I was coming and going, it turned out that Ruth was playing in a small concerty thing in a church on the Saturday night- after checking with her group, it was fine that I could come watch.

Four days before I was due to visit, I got a tentative text from Ruthie asking if maybe we could play something together- her on the violin, me on the piano. I was really enthusiastic- I haven't performed in ages! And it seemed we were to do a Spanish dance by De Falla- something I was already familiar with.

Of course though, when we got to hers and got the instruments out, it turned out that I knew a very different De Falla Spanish dance. And I'd completely overlooked the fact that I couldn't sightread on the piano to save my life, despite being a diploma-level pianist (the short unprepared study was hilarious when I did the exam). I can pick something up instantly on flute or voice, but give me something with two lines that I have to play with both hands on the spot for something over grade 4 standard and I'm pretty much useless. Neither of us can improvise, and in the end all we could do together was a short version of Bach's Ave Maria.

So in the end poor Ruthie played the guitar and sang instead of doing the show-stopping De Falla. And guess who had an hour to remember pieces of music I haven't played in years to play by heart, to now play solo?

Cold sweat.

We went to Ruthie's friend's house to do some last minute-rehearsal. They were going to pretty much finish the concert with the Sailor's Hornpipe, which is what always ends the last night of the Proms in London, if you've ever seen it. Everyone has a horn and goes 'honk honk' in the appropriate places. At the moment it was Ruthie on the violin and her friend's father on recorder- but then the idea emerged that I could play along on the piano at the same time. All I had to do was work out the correct chord sequence in five minutes.

Cold sweat.

I did just that, though. It wasn't hard- I've always been decent at harmonisation- but it was a bit daunting under pressure.

With that sorted, we went to the church (at which point Ruthie realised she'd left half her music back at her friend's). She was able to improvise though- and it wasn't so bad, because out first duty was to play the audience in as they grabbed a Pimms and began to settle down. Ruthie's friend's sister played the saxophone, followed by Ruth on her violin, both behind a screen to provide background music.

When it came to my turn, I realised that the piano was not behind a screen- it was in full view of everyone

Cold sweat.

I settled down and played I Giorni by Ludivico Einaudi (I can always fall back on Einaudi when in a pinch, and play it by heart). At first it was just pleasant background music. Then gradually, as I had dreaded and predicted, the room began to fall silent, bit by bit. Everyone must have though I was performing for real.

I heard a small patch of people doggedly keeping up conversation, and knew with gratitude it must be Ruth and her friends trying to keep up some noise for my sake (she told me later they had to stop because people were giving them dirty looks). In any case, I did what I did best (looked like I was cool and in control whilst I was bricking it inside) and finished with near-nonchalance. It was just about the right time to start the real concert by now, so at least I'd made a nice introduction I suppose. Just not one that I was prior aware of!

We all managed to do our stuff- it turns out that we weren't the only ones quite unprepared! However like true musicians, we pulled it off and the audience were none the wiser. I think. I even managed to do a rendition of 'Happy Birthday' with about twenty seconds' notice for someone in the audience. It was the last instrumental piece that put the king in the cake, though.

The sailor's hornpipe.

I noticed that there were a load of those party horns/ mini vuvuzela things around, and I realised that the audience really was going to participate and do the proper Proms honk-honking to the music. But how were we going to let the more inexperienced participants in the audience know when to start coming in?

And that was how I ended up playing the piano with a mini vuvuzela jammed in my mouth.

~Fin~

The Sailors Hornpipe