RANT: Answering the Phone

I think it's high time this blog had a rant tag- here we go!

Today, something happened when I picked up the ringing phone. Something that has been happening to me more and more frequently recently, and not just with one caller.

Ring ring.

Me: 'Hello?'

Caller: 'Hello?'

Whooooawhoawhoawhoa. Time out. Stop. Hold up. Wait a minute. Let's look into the whole etiquette of phoning someone, shall we?

When you call someone, unless you've arranged a set time with someone, have a personalised ring tone (and maybe a picture that pops up if on a mobile phone) for them or they're having a transient psychic moment, the other person isn't going to know who's calling. So, when the other person picks up and they (usually) ask 'Hello?', the logical and just plain decent thing to do is reply with 'Hi, it's *blank*'.

See? Simple, quick, to the point. Maybe if you're good friends you can add a funny noise or signature sentence, or another few words of your choice- anything that lets the other person know who's calling. What you don't do when someone picks up and goes 'Hello?' is to go 'Hello?' right back.

What the hell do you mean, 'Hello?'? You're the one that called me!

See, what you've done here is to answer a question with a question- which is not only maddeningly obstructive and confusing, but could also be considered impolite. When I picked up and said 'Hello?' I wasn't just greeting you, I was also very politely asking 'Who are you?' When you ask 'Hello?' right after me, to me you're just asking 'Well, who are you?'

Don't give me that, even if I'm not the one who you expected to pick up, you know who you're after and could at very least introduce yourself.

Now, this applies even to normal people. However, I also have the added fun little bonus of being a bit 'voice blind', or whatever you want to call it. In a nutshell, I find it hard to recognise people's voices, even people who I've known for years- and over the phone I find it pretty much impossible (a real head-scratcher, because I also have absolute pitch, which means I can identify any musical note without being told what it is, or sing back a note you tell me to sing without hearing it first). Anyway, the long and short of it is, I doubly don't know who you are when you call me. In fact this became a running joke at my last job, which partially involved having good links and relationships with suppliers and staff based elsewhere over the phone; my colleagues and the others I worked with learnt that they had to go 'Hi, it's *blank*' when I picked up, or at least teasingly 'Hey Tash, guess who it is?' (I did get slightly better at recognising everyone after almost two years there- slightly, but not completely).

Like I said at the beginning, the phenomenon of picking up the phone and being met with a 'Hello?' right back has been occurring more and more recently. I can't imagine why, especially when you tend to know when you're calling a home phone number as opposed to a mobile phone number, and especially when you're family or a friend. So today, a bit fed up of this nonsense (and already in a prickly mood from being patronised by a cashier at the supermarket over a type of apple), I just 'hello-ed' right back again to see how far it would go.

As the non-conversation progressed I did begin to recognise the family member of whom the increasingly confused voice belonged to, but I stuck to it to prove my theory that they knew exactly who had picked up the phone and/ or who they wanted to speak to. Let's take it from the top (and I sh*t you not, this is exactly how the call went).

Me: 'Hello?'

Caller: 'Hello?'

Me: 'Hello?'

Caller '... Hello?'

Me: 'Hello?'

Caller: 'Er... hello?'

Me: 'Hello?'

Caller: 'Hellohellohello? Is this Tash?'

Me: 'Hello!'

Caller: 'Can I speak to your mum, please?'

What did I tell you?

~Fin~