Making an Utter Arse of Myself: Finding Narnia

Show me a mysterious door slightly ajar, an unknown corridor discovered, a hidden and romantic-but-not-too-creepy alleyway, and I'll be in it faster than a cat in a cardboard box.

I've always loved the idea of secret tunnels and passageways, of portals to alternate realities and different dimensions. Once, as a child, my dad found me sitting on the stairs with my ear pressed to the wall, knocking on it and listening intently. When my dad asked me what I was doing, I replied that I was listening for hollow spaces, in case there was a secret door somewhere.

At work yesterday, on my way out of the toilets, I noticed that the wall opposite the entrance/ exit was at a funny angle. Not a wall: a door. I'd never noticed a door being there before, but there it was, slightly and tantalisingly cracked open. "Maybe this time it'll finally be Narnia!", a small, irrational part of my brain thought.

I crept up to the door, reached for the handle slowly, waited and... flung it open: 'Aha!'.

Alas, no Narnia, no Diagon Alley- not even a secret stash of toilet roll. Just a small space filled with pipes and cobwebs.

Not satisfied, and having a habitually scientific way of approaching things, I squeezed past the door and into the room, which was perhaps big enough to fit two people in with the door fully closed. I closed the door a little, experimentally. Nope, nothing: literally just a pipe room.

Trying to smother the faint sense of disappointment the irrational part of my brain was feeling, I poked my head out of the door to check that the coast was clear- just as someone walked into the toilets.

I froze, still with just my head sticking out. She stared at me, taking in the cobwebs in my hair, smiled nervously, and darted quickly into a cubicle. I hastily hopped out, dusted myself off, and walked very quickly back to the office.

(As a testament to how well my team member know me now, one of my colleagues noticed my flustered expression when I got back to my desk and asked "Oh Tash, what did you do?")

~Fin~

Short Stories: Making an Utter Arse of Myself- Part 1

You know you were doomed to having one of those days from the start when it takes you the entire day to realise that the reason why your T-shirt is so uncomfortable is because you have it on backwards.

(I've put 'Part 1' because I make an utter arse of myself way too often, so there will surely be more to come.)

I do seem to have a bit of a track record with public toilets. Until today the one that sticks most in my mind is the time I walked very bodily into a full-length mirror in the Birmingham Bullring ladies' loos during my student days, and apologised quite loudly to what I thought was another person (but what was actually, of course, my reflection), to much pitying laughter of the general public. In my defense the mirror reached right down to the floor and was the exact size of a doorway... it's not a very strong defence, is it?

Today doesn't quite top it, but I think it's worthy enough to be up there in my public toilet Experiences.

Today at work whilst walking to the loos I was a bit preoccupied with my unusually uncomfortable T-shirt (I still hadn't cottoned on I had it on backwards, yet), so I was trying to tug it into submission with both hands.

Unfortunately I still wasn't paying attention when I got to the toilets, because as I reached out to push the door open with my right hand (imagine the door of the loos are to my right), I was still looking down at my T-shirt.

I completely missed the door and pushed quite heavily against solid doorframe, which in turn caused me to pivot backwards into the door itself. As I pitched over in reverse, totally out of control, both arms and the one leg that wasn't connected to the floor flailing akimbo in all directions, I had enough time to see the small group of managers staring at me before I completely disappeared head-first and backwards behind the swinging door.

~Fin~