More Portioned Up than a Children's Birthday Cake

"Wow that's... really unusual for you. A whole weekend free! It'll be nice for you to actually relax for once."

"Yeah... you and I both know it won't last."

"Probably not, no."

This was a conversation I had with my friend Siu Yen a couple of nights ago, when she asked me what I'd be doing next weekend: we were also planning when out next meeting would be.

 My diary is often more or less totally booked out for two months into the future. Every weekend I'm doing at least one thing: meeting up with these friends, seeing a movie with those friends, baking a cake for these guys, having lunch with those guys, and so on. Sometimes I'll have more than one thing going on in the same day, and have to limit my time with one group of people before meeting up with the second group of people (I call this 'speed friending': this doesn't happen often though as it doesn't make for quality get-together times). Now it's started to bleed into my evenings after work, not to mention I have my evening Mandarin classes on Wednesday nights. This pretty much makes me constantly exhausted.

It also makes me very happy.

Back in my school days, I was quite the loner. I was always awkward, quiet, nerdy- just not really able to fit in. When I did have friends, it was only one or two close ones at a time, which were sometimes intense and destructive (as is common when insecure people become too focused and reliant on each other). However, as time went on I got better at the whole making friends thing, and gradually discovered more and more amazing people that I cared about and wanted to keep in my life. The only things that changed were my attitude to myself and life in general.

This fast-paced lifestyle I've gained from hyper-socialising also seems to mean I've gained a weird, restless energy. This weekend one of the things I did was to visit my friend Vicky in Brighton (a fellow efficiently busy person), and at one point she tried to make me sit back into my chair instead of perching on the end of it. I physically managed it, but my efforts only made my friend laugh because apparently I still looked really stiff and awkward. In fact I felt really relaxed in Brighton, away from the shoving elbows and selfishness of London- but apparently my muscles were still tensed for immediate action.

Still, I wouldn't have it any other way. I remember what it's like to feel isolated, and now that I'm lucky enough to know so many amazing people, I'm more than happy to make the effort to give as many people as much of my time as I can. For some people it's not as much as I'd like, but then again there are only so many hours in the day!

A bit of wisdom from Brighton

 I came back from Lady Dinah's Cat Emporium at around half past midnight last night, having visited for the first time as a guest rather than a volunteer since it's official opening on Saturday (it is, by the way, amazing). Once I'd finished posting a few pictures on Facebook, I was just about to go to bed when a message popped up from a friend I haven't seen in a while.

"Are you still in London? It'd be great to meet up again."

And some of my friends still wonder why I try to arrange things so far in advance.

The Phone Call that Made My Month

I was always a little afraid of what my reaction would be the first time I received this sort of news from a close friend. I mean my real, inside reaction: I knew that my outer reaction would always be one of genuine joy, but I've always been scared that, inside, a selfish part of me would feel sad that an era has come to an end and that everything would be about to drastically changed- and maybe even a little jealous that I'm nowhere near that point in my life. I think I was the most afraid of feeling jealous, because I honestly didn't know if those sorts of feelings were brewing in me and I'd been ignoring them- as we sometimes do when we don't want to think about things.

So this evening when one pair of my friends told me they were expecting a baby, I was very pleasantly taken aback by how astonishingly FULL OF GLEE I was, both inside and out. In fact I felt so warm and fuzzy and happy I failed to stop myself from actually physically jumping around the room!

I'm so happy! Yes things will change, but things are always constantly changing anyway- we are no longer the children, the teenagers or even the youths we once were. Plus I can't wait to be Auntie Tash and help my friends out wherever I can and make a fuss over the baby.

What amazing news to receive at the end of winter, when the days are growing longer and the weather warms up. I wish both of my friends health and that everything goes smoothly. In the meantime, I'll keep my baking skills finely honed and start looking at tiny clothes for tiny people... and start wondering if I'll be the cool aunt or the weird aunt!

Best Valentine's Day Ever

"Geeeek!" A girl called out, pointing dramatically at the guy who had answered a particularly tough question correctly. The rest of the room laughed raucously. It was the right place for it: after all, it was Geek Quiz Night.

I have never done anything in particular for Valentine's day, even when I was in a relationship. I don't have anything particularly against it, but I don't see the point of it either- why do we need one official day to tell a special someone we love them, much less throw money at heart-shaped tat? Needless to say, my casual stance on the whole thing has me both celebrating neither the original Valentine's day nor anti-Valentine's day nor even 'singles awareness day'.

This year, in the spirit of embracing my new more sociable self and also to cheer up one of my friends who's special someone is serving in the force at the moment, three of us ventured out into Central London to grab food and see the new Lego movie.

After dinner, we still had almost two hours to go until the movie, so I dragged my two friends to MADD, a hipster geek-chic dessert bar that styles itself on serving its desserts with fresh mango while offering retro arcade games, newer Playstation and Xbox games and a huge selection of card and board games to play with- not to mention a great variety of retro video game-themed cocktails. The three of us being pretty geeky, we felt right at home.

A large group had gathered in the middle of the room, and we caught snippets of conversation about a geek quiz being held. That sounded awesome! Just as my friends and I were debating on asking if we could join in, the organiser stopped by our table and asked if we'd like to join in. Yes please!

The Lego movie now abandoned for some spontaneous geekery, we ended up having a slightly bonkers and entirely great fun night. During the charity raffle in the middle of the quiz one of my friends won a homemade nail polish, and I won a big, gorgeous copy of The Adventures and Memoires of Sherlock Holmes, which I spent the remaining duration of the quiz hugging (and which I am now currently devouring at terrifying speed).

What a great group of people it was, too: sometimes I'm wary about proclaiming myself to be a geek, especially as a girl, because sometimes people can get quite competitive and weirdly aggressive about it. The room last night was full of TV geeks, film geeks, book geeks, gamer geeks, baking geeks- all different kinds.

The night was full of good food, good experiences and good company, and out of all of the Valentine's days that have snuck past me, this one was definitely my favourite so far.

It's Never Like it Is in the Commercials

I walked the streets of East London, only vaguely aware that I was in a daze. My feet seemed to know what they were doing, and since the rest of me was tired out from from being on a ladder for the last four and a half hours, my slightly addled brain reckoned that trusting my feet was logical.

As I walked along, the chilly wind began to clear my fogged brain. Surely Old Street Station wasn't this far from Bethnal Green when I walked earlier? I blinked and looked around me.

I had somehow wandered all the way to London Bridge.

Today, I painted a ceiling in Lady Dinah's Cat Emporium. So far my contributions to the widely anticipated cat cafe have largely been in the digital world, helping to SEO and write things up for the website. This weekend was the first I was free at the same time as the Emporium needing some DIY work done, so I volunteered to help do some painting.

After a few minutes of making a fuss of the cats, I found myself in a boiler suit with a paint roller in my hand and a tall step ladder under my feet, ready to paint the room that would become the cat's quiet room. I throught of those adverts with smug middle class people painting their own homes. How hard could it be?

A few minutes in and I'd already given up on keeping my hands clean of paint, both now as white as the ceiling was to become, and there was already paint on my face and in my hair.

I say a few minutes in- I'm not entirely sure how long it took for me to give up on keeping myself clean. I'd left my watch upstairs with my belongings to protect them from getting painted. In fact, the combination of being watchless while concentrating on my work messed my internal clock up so much that, when I finally got round to asking Lauren what the time was on one of her trips through the room, the hour I thought had passed was actually three.

'Just a little bit more, and then I'm done,' I thought. I finished the ceiling, and did a bit of work on the walls for a few minutes. My legs had gotten a little wobbly, but I put this down to the weird position you have to put yourself in when painting on a ladder.

When I was done, another helper popped through and I asked him what the time was. My 'few minutes' was actually an hour and a half! At least I'd finished the ceiling, and done some of the walls too. I was feeling a bit light-headed though... maybe I should call it a day. I shrugged off my boiler suit, scrubbed up and went to tell Lauren that I was heading home. Lauren looked at me and her brows furrowed.

"Tash, are you feeling okay? You look a bit... out of it."

"Well, I do feel a bit weird," I said. Suddenly I realised that I had been so focused on my work, so unaware of the time, I'd not left the room once in the four and a half hours I was painting. I hadn't even opened the door.

"Er.. I think you might be wired on paint fumes," Lauren said, looking both concerned and amused. I may have smiled a goofy smile.

After assuring Lauren I was fine and wasn't going to pass out, I headed out with the intention of getting to Old Street station- just a ten minute walk away from the cafe.

...Of course, now we know I ended up walking from East London to the south side of the Thames without even noticing.

Adventures in Iceland: Notes from the Nose

The organist hammered out the final chord and let go with a flourish. We visitors sat in spellbound silence as the notes ascended and then evaporated into the arches of Hallgrímskirkja. All was still.

The moment was shattered when my friend Siu Yen suddenly convulsed violently and let out an explosive sneeze. The sneeze bounced joyfully off of the church pillars and upwards, as if chasing the last notes of the organ. A second, heavier silence.

“Well... that was embarrassing.” My friend muttered.

Adventures in Iceland: Discovering Reykjavik

Deciding to go to Iceland was definitely the most impulsive thing I have ever done as a self-confessed overthinker.

It was also definitely the best.

I've decided to do a lot of good things for myself in the past: Taking up Mandarin again, exercising more and eating less, writing more often- all things to build the awesome Tash 2.0 model that I want to be. Simply going on holiday wouldn't be what I usually count as self-enrichment, but this was the first time I'd ever arranged a holiday for myself. People always cite the Aurora Borealis as a 'thing to do before you die'. Well, why wait? I did everything: booking the flights, hotel, tours, transfers, the whole lot. My inner PA was giddy with glee, and my outer exhausted worker was glad to be getting a break at the end of it, so the process killed two birds with one stone.

My good friend Siu Yen was my partner in mischief during our three night stay- we'd often talked about having a 'girliday' (girly holiday) in the years we've known each other, so we were pretty darn hyped up when we got on that plane. Even the plane journey was pretty awesome- WOW air has now become my favourite airline of all time.

“On the left shoulder is a light to make you look fabulous,” the head air hostess said as the life jackets were being modelled. “Also great for attracting sailors.”

We saw some amazing things made by humans:

Hallgrímskirkja and it's massive, er, organ

Some amazing things made by nature:

Strokkur geyser and Gullfoss waterfall

And ate some amazing food:

Herring and rye bread, and soup in a bread bowl

Soup in a BOWL made out of BREAD. How much of an awesome idea is that?

As for seeing the Northern Lights... technically we did. 'Technically' because although we were staring straight at them at the time, we had no idea what we were looking at. This was because they were in the grey spectrum, and sort of look like weird streaky clouds. We only found out that they were the Aurora when we saw a fellow tourist's photos from the same night: they had come out a faint glowing green. Apparently this is a thing. Who knew?

Even though I didn't catch the Lights on camera, I did manage to catch a rainbow corona around the moon:

And we got a pretty clear sky for star gazing, so it was still a great experience. Next year, either Finland or Norway! Although it's going to be hard not going straight back to Reykjavik, because I did enjoy the beautiful natural wonders and the easygoing people there.

In the meantime, I'm writing up a short piece for the British Guild of Travel Writers New Travel Writers 2014 competition. I have so many stories about the people I met out there, but this blog will have to wait until I've completed the piece. The deadline is the beginning of next week, so it won't be long!

We were sad to leave, but it was good to leave on a high. Anyway, when I got back to the office I found a box of tea and a bottle of coconut water a colleague had left for me, along with my Christmas present:

 

Those guys know me too well.

RE Possibly Having a Bona Fide Heart Attack...

My results came back today. Tissue damage to my heart and chemicals in my blood indicate that:

a) I probably have pneumonia

b) I actually may have had a blood clot after all

c) I definitely have had a severe allergic reaction to a medication my GP insisted I couldn't possibly be allergic to

and

d) I definitely have/ had a, b or even both, as well as c.

As you can imagine, I'm not to thrilled about the less than concrete diagnosis, and even less thrilled that the options are, well, potentially deadly.

In any case, I'm not dead, and although I'm still suffering some symptoms I'm far from those couple of nights when I felt like I was actually dying (the 'joke' is that I was closer than I or the doctors thought).

So. I am now being treated for pneumonia, and I'm having another X-ray done- but in a week's time. The potential blood clot is being ignored and labled as 'probably unlikely', and the allergy is not being officially tested for- despite it being a common type of antibiotic that I may need to be aware of in the future.

The reason why I'm being treated in such a blasé manner? It' s because I'm young and (otherwise) fit. Long story short, I actually went to hospital over a week ago (you know, when I thought I might be dying) and suggested tests for both pneumonia and heart failure. I more or less got laughed at. I was refused an X-ray, and it took another trip to convince my doctor that I needed one. And whadayaknow, it turns out I was- very unfortunately- correct.

In any case... not a great start to 2014. However in a few days I am off to Reykjavik with a friend and I can't wait! I just have to remember to take it easy. My doctor said I should be fine to go.

Then again, my doctor has said a lot of stuff...