I really wonder what on Earth is wrong with me, sometimes.
On Wednesday we were split into small groups during dance class to learn the next part of the choreography. I was hyper from dancing, as usual, and was chatting to another class member with whom I've never spoken with before. At the the end of the class...
"Well it was nice chatting to you!" they said, smiling.
"Whee!!" I skipped off at high speed.
... Told you I fail at meeting new people.
Showing posts with label making friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label making friends. Show all posts
Friday, 22 August 2014
Sunday, 10 August 2014
Hey, I Just Met You, and I Am Crazy
"Sometimes, when I have a little left, I like to spray my hands and pretend I'm a robot." - Me talking about decorating cake with edible metallic spray about ten minutes into encountering a new human being.
I'm really bad at meeting new people.
No no, let me rephrase this: I'm really good at pretending like I know what I'm doing when I'm meeting new people at first, but I'm terrible at maintaining any sense of normality throughout the social situation. For instance, I'll start off seeming like a nice, normal person, and then only a few minutes in of talking to someone, sporadic flashes of crazy suddenly burst through the faรงade, like some sort of nervous reflex.
I visited a friend's house to play my first ever game of Dungeons and Dragons a few evenings ago- my character was a new addition to the campaign, and the group had already had two sessions of play. I already knew my friend of course, and I had already met her husband. It was the rest of the group I had to try to convince that I was 'cool'.
I had been talking like a nice, normal person to my friend's brother-in-law when the subject of what I'd used to make the cakes I brought silver came up (I'd sprayed them silver and gold like loot). Like a nice, normal person I explained how I'd done it. My friend's brother in law joked that he might end up looking like the tin man if he got any silver on him. And then, not at all like a nice, normal person, I cracked that remark about pretending like I'm a robot out.
At another point, we started discussing about how strictly we have to stick to our character's alliances and personality, and then ended up with a philosophical statement about how the inevitability of how our characters can and can't act could be a metaphor for life. And hastily and awkwardly added "Or not..."
During the actual game, I was absent-mindedly stacking the die up in a colourful tower. Another member of the group and pointed this out, amused. I felt a silly crooked grin appear on my face. "I like stacking things, stacking things is fun."
*Facepalm*
There were plenty of other moments like these throughout the evening, made worse by the fact that I was also trying to learn the rules of the game on the fly, stay in character and remember everyone's real and in-game names at the same time; and as the game commenced, I felt myself getting quieter and quieter. The group was fantastic- everyone was very welcoming and had the same cheeky, slightly avante-garde sense of humour as I did- but I was terrified of accidentally taking the joke too far, or stepping over the mark as the newbie. I started out being super friendly and slightly hyperactive, but by the end of the evening I must have seem very subdued, and perhaps even a little aloof in my awkwardness.
I used to be so painfully shy I wouldn't be able to talk to new people at all. Now I'm much better at pretending that I'm confident and at toning down my eccentricity to begin with, but this sort of suppression results in my eccentricity forcing its way out like water spewing from a cracking dam. Honestly, I'm not sure which one is worse.
Thankfully, the people that have stuck by me after these awkward first moments are both awesome and just as nuts to boot, so I needn't worry too much. After all, life is all about finding people with the same type of crazy as you, and those people become your friends.
I'm really bad at meeting new people.
No no, let me rephrase this: I'm really good at pretending like I know what I'm doing when I'm meeting new people at first, but I'm terrible at maintaining any sense of normality throughout the social situation. For instance, I'll start off seeming like a nice, normal person, and then only a few minutes in of talking to someone, sporadic flashes of crazy suddenly burst through the faรงade, like some sort of nervous reflex.
I visited a friend's house to play my first ever game of Dungeons and Dragons a few evenings ago- my character was a new addition to the campaign, and the group had already had two sessions of play. I already knew my friend of course, and I had already met her husband. It was the rest of the group I had to try to convince that I was 'cool'.
I had been talking like a nice, normal person to my friend's brother-in-law when the subject of what I'd used to make the cakes I brought silver came up (I'd sprayed them silver and gold like loot). Like a nice, normal person I explained how I'd done it. My friend's brother in law joked that he might end up looking like the tin man if he got any silver on him. And then, not at all like a nice, normal person, I cracked that remark about pretending like I'm a robot out.
At another point, we started discussing about how strictly we have to stick to our character's alliances and personality, and then ended up with a philosophical statement about how the inevitability of how our characters can and can't act could be a metaphor for life. And hastily and awkwardly added "Or not..."
During the actual game, I was absent-mindedly stacking the die up in a colourful tower. Another member of the group and pointed this out, amused. I felt a silly crooked grin appear on my face. "I like stacking things, stacking things is fun."
*Facepalm*
There were plenty of other moments like these throughout the evening, made worse by the fact that I was also trying to learn the rules of the game on the fly, stay in character and remember everyone's real and in-game names at the same time; and as the game commenced, I felt myself getting quieter and quieter. The group was fantastic- everyone was very welcoming and had the same cheeky, slightly avante-garde sense of humour as I did- but I was terrified of accidentally taking the joke too far, or stepping over the mark as the newbie. I started out being super friendly and slightly hyperactive, but by the end of the evening I must have seem very subdued, and perhaps even a little aloof in my awkwardness.
I used to be so painfully shy I wouldn't be able to talk to new people at all. Now I'm much better at pretending that I'm confident and at toning down my eccentricity to begin with, but this sort of suppression results in my eccentricity forcing its way out like water spewing from a cracking dam. Honestly, I'm not sure which one is worse.
Thankfully, the people that have stuck by me after these awkward first moments are both awesome and just as nuts to boot, so I needn't worry too much. After all, life is all about finding people with the same type of crazy as you, and those people become your friends.
Monday, 3 March 2014
More Portioned Up than a Children's Birthday Cake
"Wow that's... really unusual for you. A whole weekend free! It'll be nice for you to actually relax for once."
"Yeah... you and I both know it won't last."
"Probably not, no."
This was a conversation I had with my friend Siu Yen a couple of nights ago, when she asked me what I'd be doing next weekend: we were also planning when out next meeting would be.
My diary is often more or less totally booked out for two months into the future. Every weekend I'm doing at least one thing: meeting up with these friends, seeing a movie with those friends, baking a cake for these guys, having lunch with those guys, and so on. Sometimes I'll have more than one thing going on in the same day, and have to limit my time with one group of people before meeting up with the second group of people (I call this 'speed friending': this doesn't happen often though as it doesn't make for quality get-together times). Now it's started to bleed into my evenings after work, not to mention I have my evening Mandarin classes on Wednesday nights. This pretty much makes me constantly exhausted.
It also makes me very happy.
Back in my school days, I was quite the loner. I was always awkward, quiet, nerdy- just not really able to fit in. When I did have friends, it was only one or two close ones at a time, which were sometimes intense and destructive (as is common when insecure people become too focused and reliant on each other). However, as time went on I got better at the whole making friends thing, and gradually discovered more and more amazing people that I cared about and wanted to keep in my life. The only things that changed were my attitude to myself and life in general.
This fast-paced lifestyle I've gained from hyper-socialising also seems to mean I've gained a weird, restless energy. This weekend one of the things I did was to visit my friend Vicky in Brighton (a fellow efficiently busy person), and at one point she tried to make me sit back into my chair instead of perching on the end of it. I physically managed it, but my efforts only made my friend laugh because apparently I still looked really stiff and awkward. In fact I felt really relaxed in Brighton, away from the shoving elbows and selfishness of London- but apparently my muscles were still tensed for immediate action.
Still, I wouldn't have it any other way. I remember what it's like to feel isolated, and now that I'm lucky enough to know so many amazing people, I'm more than happy to make the effort to give as many people as much of my time as I can. For some people it's not as much as I'd like, but then again there are only so many hours in the day!
I came back from Lady Dinah's Cat Emporium at around half past midnight last night, having visited for the first time as a guest rather than a volunteer since it's official opening on Saturday (it is, by the way, amazing). Once I'd finished posting a few pictures on Facebook, I was just about to go to bed when a message popped up from a friend I haven't seen in a while.
"Are you still in London? It'd be great to meet up again."
And some of my friends still wonder why I try to arrange things so far in advance.
"Yeah... you and I both know it won't last."
"Probably not, no."
This was a conversation I had with my friend Siu Yen a couple of nights ago, when she asked me what I'd be doing next weekend: we were also planning when out next meeting would be.
My diary is often more or less totally booked out for two months into the future. Every weekend I'm doing at least one thing: meeting up with these friends, seeing a movie with those friends, baking a cake for these guys, having lunch with those guys, and so on. Sometimes I'll have more than one thing going on in the same day, and have to limit my time with one group of people before meeting up with the second group of people (I call this 'speed friending': this doesn't happen often though as it doesn't make for quality get-together times). Now it's started to bleed into my evenings after work, not to mention I have my evening Mandarin classes on Wednesday nights. This pretty much makes me constantly exhausted.
It also makes me very happy.
Back in my school days, I was quite the loner. I was always awkward, quiet, nerdy- just not really able to fit in. When I did have friends, it was only one or two close ones at a time, which were sometimes intense and destructive (as is common when insecure people become too focused and reliant on each other). However, as time went on I got better at the whole making friends thing, and gradually discovered more and more amazing people that I cared about and wanted to keep in my life. The only things that changed were my attitude to myself and life in general.
This fast-paced lifestyle I've gained from hyper-socialising also seems to mean I've gained a weird, restless energy. This weekend one of the things I did was to visit my friend Vicky in Brighton (a fellow efficiently busy person), and at one point she tried to make me sit back into my chair instead of perching on the end of it. I physically managed it, but my efforts only made my friend laugh because apparently I still looked really stiff and awkward. In fact I felt really relaxed in Brighton, away from the shoving elbows and selfishness of London- but apparently my muscles were still tensed for immediate action.
Still, I wouldn't have it any other way. I remember what it's like to feel isolated, and now that I'm lucky enough to know so many amazing people, I'm more than happy to make the effort to give as many people as much of my time as I can. For some people it's not as much as I'd like, but then again there are only so many hours in the day!
 |
| A bit of wisdom from Brighton |
"Are you still in London? It'd be great to meet up again."
And some of my friends still wonder why I try to arrange things so far in advance.
Saturday, 15 February 2014
Best Valentine's Day Ever
"Geeeek!" A girl called out, pointing dramatically at the guy who had answered a particularly tough question correctly. The rest of the room laughed raucously. It was the right place for it: after all, it was Geek Quiz Night.
I have never done anything in particular for Valentine's day, even when I was in a relationship. I don't have anything particularly against it, but I don't see the point of it either- why do we need one official day to tell a special someone we love them, much less throw money at heart-shaped tat? Needless to say, my casual stance on the whole thing has me both celebrating neither the original Valentine's day nor anti-Valentine's day nor even 'singles awareness day'.
This year, in the spirit of embracing my new more sociable self and also to cheer up one of my friends who's special someone is serving in the force at the moment, three of us ventured out into Central London to grab food and see the new Lego movie.
After dinner, we still had almost two hours to go until the movie, so I dragged my two friends to MADD, a hipster geek-chic dessert bar that styles itself on serving its desserts with fresh mango while offering retro arcade games, newer Playstation and Xbox games and a huge selection of card and board games to play with- not to mention a great variety of retro video game-themed cocktails. The three of us being pretty geeky, we felt right at home.
A large group had gathered in the middle of the room, and we caught snippets of conversation about a geek quiz being held. That sounded awesome! Just as my friends and I were debating on asking if we could join in, the organiser stopped by our table and asked if we'd like to join in. Yes please!
The Lego movie now abandoned for some spontaneous geekery, we ended up having a slightly bonkers and entirely great fun night. During the charity raffle in the middle of the quiz one of my friends won a homemade nail polish, and I won a big, gorgeous copy of The Adventures and Memoires of Sherlock Holmes, which I spent the remaining duration of the quiz hugging (and which I am now currently devouring at terrifying speed).
What a great group of people it was, too: sometimes I'm wary about proclaiming myself to be a geek, especially as a girl, because sometimes people can get quite competitive and weirdly aggressive about it. The room last night was full of TV geeks, film geeks, book geeks, gamer geeks, baking geeks- all different kinds.
The night was full of good food, good experiences and good company, and out of all of the Valentine's days that have snuck past me, this one was definitely my favourite so far.
I have never done anything in particular for Valentine's day, even when I was in a relationship. I don't have anything particularly against it, but I don't see the point of it either- why do we need one official day to tell a special someone we love them, much less throw money at heart-shaped tat? Needless to say, my casual stance on the whole thing has me both celebrating neither the original Valentine's day nor anti-Valentine's day nor even 'singles awareness day'.
This year, in the spirit of embracing my new more sociable self and also to cheer up one of my friends who's special someone is serving in the force at the moment, three of us ventured out into Central London to grab food and see the new Lego movie.
After dinner, we still had almost two hours to go until the movie, so I dragged my two friends to MADD, a hipster geek-chic dessert bar that styles itself on serving its desserts with fresh mango while offering retro arcade games, newer Playstation and Xbox games and a huge selection of card and board games to play with- not to mention a great variety of retro video game-themed cocktails. The three of us being pretty geeky, we felt right at home.
A large group had gathered in the middle of the room, and we caught snippets of conversation about a geek quiz being held. That sounded awesome! Just as my friends and I were debating on asking if we could join in, the organiser stopped by our table and asked if we'd like to join in. Yes please!
The Lego movie now abandoned for some spontaneous geekery, we ended up having a slightly bonkers and entirely great fun night. During the charity raffle in the middle of the quiz one of my friends won a homemade nail polish, and I won a big, gorgeous copy of The Adventures and Memoires of Sherlock Holmes, which I spent the remaining duration of the quiz hugging (and which I am now currently devouring at terrifying speed).
What a great group of people it was, too: sometimes I'm wary about proclaiming myself to be a geek, especially as a girl, because sometimes people can get quite competitive and weirdly aggressive about it. The room last night was full of TV geeks, film geeks, book geeks, gamer geeks, baking geeks- all different kinds.
The night was full of good food, good experiences and good company, and out of all of the Valentine's days that have snuck past me, this one was definitely my favourite so far.
Sunday, 10 November 2013
Actually, I Rather Like People After All
Yesterday evening I met up with some of my fellow ex-contestants from the karaoke contest I took part in, just for a fun Japanese (and English, in my case) karaoke session together. I had great fun, and in the process got to know some new people a little better. I think my favourite moment was when I was chatting to the eldest member of the group on the way to the bar afterwards- a small, not-old-yet Japanese lady with a mischievous smile- and laughing about the sex shops we were walking past in Soho. She even quite knowingly asked me if I knew one particular shop in London aimed at ladies (to which I was just a tiny bit embarrassed and rather a lot more impressed!) She had up and left Japan at a young age, taking no friends or family with her, to start fresh in London: in fact a few others in the group had done similar, one even having lived in four different countries so far.
Recently I've been making an effort to go out and meet new people, and in the recent months I have met some awesome people and made some new friends along the way. It's occasions like this where I re-think the thing I have been telling myself pretty much all my life, which is:
'I hate people.'
Well? what does that actually mean? When I dissect it, it isn't a very nice way to go about life. I like lots of people- love them to bits, in fact. So when I used to say 'I hate people', I was directing this at the general public. In general.
But just who are the general public?
Potential friends. Potential enemies. Potential awkward but friendly chats in the queue or dirty looks after bumping into one another. A huge mix of human beings that are capable of doing the most wonderful and the most terrible things you can imagine, and every one as complex as the other.
There is a lot of cruelty in the world that I can't understand and that makes me sick, sad and angry. These things deserve hate, yes- but I believe that I've realised that it's not right to go about life hating the general public as a default. I'll try to be more open.
(Having said that, I hope I never have to work as a waitress or in customer services ever again.)
Recently I've been making an effort to go out and meet new people, and in the recent months I have met some awesome people and made some new friends along the way. It's occasions like this where I re-think the thing I have been telling myself pretty much all my life, which is:
'I hate people.'
Well? what does that actually mean? When I dissect it, it isn't a very nice way to go about life. I like lots of people- love them to bits, in fact. So when I used to say 'I hate people', I was directing this at the general public. In general.
But just who are the general public?
Potential friends. Potential enemies. Potential awkward but friendly chats in the queue or dirty looks after bumping into one another. A huge mix of human beings that are capable of doing the most wonderful and the most terrible things you can imagine, and every one as complex as the other.
There is a lot of cruelty in the world that I can't understand and that makes me sick, sad and angry. These things deserve hate, yes- but I believe that I've realised that it's not right to go about life hating the general public as a default. I'll try to be more open.
(Having said that, I hope I never have to work as a waitress or in customer services ever again.)
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